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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Rule #1: The Company You Keep



Knowing the meanings of the names of the people around you can also give you some subtle (or, in some cases, not so subtle) clues to guide you safely through your narrative.

Oddly enough, known figures in mythology tend to ignore these clues, often to their extreme disadvantage.  After all, how many people decided to spend the night at the house of a man called Procrustes (the Stretcher) only to find themselves stretched out to fit the bed in his guest room, laying there all in pain and all, 'WAT HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?'

And Priam, King of Troy, when the city was in its final day and being sacked by the Greek troops, somehow thought that Achilles' son, Neoptolemus, would abide by the rules of decent, traditional warfare, when obviously the kid was born for a New Sort Of War.

Now, Heracles, to be fair, might have an excuse for being skeptical about this whole nomenclature thing.  He was born the Glory of Hera, after all, and Hera has done nothing but plague him with labors and troubles for his entire life, up to and including driving him mad and making him kill his wife, Megara, and their children.  But think about it for a second; step back and be circumspect.  How much glory would Heracles have had... without Hera?  Without Hera, no labors, no trials, nothing but an uneventful (and unremarkable) life.  Maybe if he'd thought of his name in that sense, he might have changed his mind and begun to pay attention to the names of those around him.  Let's see how this insight might have changed the tragic story of his second marriage to Deianira, daughter of Oeneus.  Here's the story as it stands.


Heracles the Blockhead:

Heracles: Woah, who's the hottie?

Oeneus: That's my daughter, Deianira!

Heracles: Awesome!  I'll take two!

Achelous: No mine!

Heracles: *murder*

Nessus: No mine!

Heracles: *more murder* Awright, that's done.  I've got a couple labors left to wrap up, so, uh, see you in a couple years, babe.  Keep a light on for me!

a couple years later

Heracles: I'm home!  And look at this hot chick I brought home with me!

Deianira: *murder*

Heracles: FML. *ded*


Now let's see how it runs with a little knowledge of Greek nomenclature.


Heracles the Enlightened

Heracles: Woah, who's the hottie?

Oeneus: That's my daughter, Deianira!

Heracles: 'Man-Destroyer,' huh?

Achelous: No mine!

Heracles: All yours, dude.


And let's just imagine how much trouble Thebes could have been spared with a little conversation along these lines:

Jocasta: Oedipus?  That's an interesting name.  Why do they call you 'swollen foot'?

Oedipus: Oh, evidently when I was a baby I got stabbed through the ankles with a spike, somehow.  I spent most of my early childhood getting over the injury.

Jocasta: That's a weird coincidence, I once had a baby that I tried to get rid of by stabbing a spike through its ankles and throwing it away in the woods.

Oedipus: Huh.  Y'know, I never really //was// sure I wasn't adopted...

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Rule #1: Baby Name Dos and Don'ts


So with this whole list of awesome mix and match components, Greek parents could never possibly run out of of perfectly innocuous baby names, right?  Protesistratos, foremost in battle!  Arkhogenes, born to be in command!  Iphinous, the noble-minded!

... right?

Yyyeah, so it never quite worked out that way.

Now, kids today are unlucky enough if they get saddled with a name it's easy to make fun of; in Greek mythology, children tended to grow into their names, so you really wanted to tread carefully when thumbing through the baby name books.

Don't pull a Thetis and name your child Achilles (the peoples' grief) unless you don't mind being drawn from your home at the bottom of the sea to deal with all the mad dramz he's starting with his friends.  Don't be like Laertes and call your son Odysseus (the hateful one) unless you really want him to have a bad attitude.  And what was Agave thinking, naming her son Pentheus (the sorrowful one)?  I'm sure he ended up plenty sorrowful while his own mother was tearing off his head in the throes of Dionysus' madness.

Also, stay away from sound-alikes.  If you name your kid something that sounds almost like 'alas!' it's just begging the fates to spin their way toward making that name oh so dramatically ironic.  I'm looking at you, Mr. Aias 'Aiai!' Telamonides.

And honestly, maybe three out of four children named Hippolytus won't die being torn apart by horses, but...  is that a chance you really want to take?

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Rule #1: Names Matter


The first thing to remember in navigating the Greek Mythscape is that Greek Names Mean Things.  Most Greek names translate to various shades of Awesome, with meanings keyed to Greek ideals of behavior and character.  Some common elements of Greek names and their meanings include:

a - not
adno - holy
agatho - good/great
agora - the agora, center of political life
alex - defense/defender
alki - strength
amphi - on both sides
ana - up
anax - lord/master
andro - man/manliness/bravery
anthe - flower/flourishing
aster - star
asty - city
ari - very
arist - the best
arkho - commander
auto - himself
boulo - counsel/advice
demo - people
dike - justice
dio - Zeus
doro - gift
eide - seen/visible
elpi - hope
eu - good
eury - wide/far
gany - joy
genes - birth/lineage
glauko - white/pale
gono - born
harpo - grab/seize
helio - sun
hell - bright
hege - leader
hippo - horse (often used as a sign of wealth or class)
iphi - noble/nobility
iso - fair/even
kalli - beautiful
khalko - bronze
khairo - joy
kleo - glory
klyto - famous
krato - power
kreon - ruler
krito - decision
kydo - praise
lampe - bright
laos - people
leon - lion
leuko - white
lyko - wolf
lyt/lysi - freeing/dissolving/breaking up
machos - warfare
mede - plans
mega - big
mela - dark
meli - sweet
menos - strength
mnesi - rememberance
neo - new
niko - victory
nous - mind
oeno - wine
onoma - name
palai - old/ancient
pan - all
patro - father
peisi - obedience
peri - all around
phane - light/revelation/display
pheid - thrift
phere - bringing
philo - love
phron - mind
poly - many/much
proto - first
pyla - gate
so/sos/sosi - savior/saving/safe
speud/speus - quick/haste
stheno - strength
stratos - battle line
tele - from afar/at a long distance
theo - god
thersi - brawl
thrasy - brave
tim/timo/time - honor
tisi - revenge
xantho - blonde
xenos - stranger/friend
zeno - Zeus

From here the average Greek parent would be free to mix and match at leisure, although most important families passed down names from grandfather to grandson in alternating generations.  But most of the common names we know from our Greek history classes can be parsed according to this chart: Perikles (glory all around!), Demosthenes (power to the people, yo), Sokrates (save your strength, dude, that hemlock will take a lot out of you).

The Greeks understood the power of their names to impart information about people.  The comedian The Bestest Presentation (Aristophanes) loved to play with the names of his characters.  The son of a wealthy mother and a thrifty father in his Clouds is named Pheidippides after his parents couldn't decide on a proper name.  His father's 'pheid' component of the name loses out when the son takes a liking to racing horses and bankrupts his family.  The eponymous heroine of his Lysistrata does exactly that: breaks up the battle lines with her famous sex strike.  Knowing the meanings of the names of the people around you will give you your first big edge in surviving in the world of Greek Mythology.

TCE

Saturday, November 10, 2012


Alright, so it's no zombie apocalypse.  But the world of Greek Mythology was no picnic, either.  If someone wasn't getting killed, then someone was getting raped, and if someone wasn't getting raped, then someone was probably getting turned into a tree or something.  In a world where men were largely lawless and where gods were held to even fewer standards, making it through unmurdered, unmolested, and unmutated was undeniably unlikely.

Call me thecoweyed.  I'm here to see whether I can navigate the most common pitfalls in this dangerous setting and put together a comprehensive survival guide to life in the world of Greek Mythology.

TCE

CHORUS: 

O suitably-attired-in-leather-boots
Head of a traveller, wherefore seeking whom
Whence by what way how purposed art thou come
To this well-nightingaled vicinity?
My object in inquiring is to know.
But if you happen to be deaf and dumb
And do not understand a word I say,
Then wave your hand, to signify as much.

A. E. Housman
Fragment of a Greek Tragedy